this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
