It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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