he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
