I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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