just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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