I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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