I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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