Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
