omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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