All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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