Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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