I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
