You just made me feel so damn special
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
