It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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