is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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