Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
