I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
