I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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