She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
