porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize