she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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