true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
