I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
