just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
