At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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