There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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