What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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