god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize