Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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