Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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