he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize