Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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