my mouth tastes like poor choices
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
