I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
