Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
