No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this just has baby written all over it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
