Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
40s are totally the cure
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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