he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
