i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
