How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
