rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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