remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
