We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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