is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i permit you to call me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
