LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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