I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
