dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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