You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize