i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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