If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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