i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this just has baby written all over it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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