never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
