sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize