im drinking this country out of the recession.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
