how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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