Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize