she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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