JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
