what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
