I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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