Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
