I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
