I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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