We're facebook friends in real life
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
