Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
