i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
