i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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