Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
