we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she pinky promised me she was 18
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
