Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
