If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
