There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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