If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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